Psychosynthesis
meditations on the therapeutic process
Will Parfitt
Books by Will Parfitt
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None, One, Many, One, None
One may be experienced as separate - only myself, I am alone - or as with
others - we have become one. One is not Unity, it is Unity Plus. Unity just
is, one becomes ... what does one become? When the client starts in therapy
she believes there is a goal - a problem to be solved, a lack of understanding
to be remedied. The therapist uncovers within the client the deeper truth
that the problem or lack - in whatever form it manifests - is in itself
the solution. Not when it is integrated, not when it is made whole, not
when it is synthesized - simply in itself. In its own becoming - the symptom
uncovers. The therapist is the symptom, the mother, the father, the sibling,
the lover, the other. A pathological confluence to be lived with and seen
as part of the self as one. The self as one cannot be divided from its other.
In the Hebrew language, every letter has a numerical value. The word for
One, Achd, has the same numerical value as the word for Love, Ahbh. 'Love
thyself as thine own brother, sister,' said the preacher. The number concerned
is 13 - not 1. Achd and Ahbh both equal 13. They are not some artificial
unity, but are the twelve divisions, the twelve signs and houses, plus.
A bakers dozen is just right for the therapist and client relationship.
All the houses, all the signs, plus.
I am all of this and I am more.
Realizing the self as one is a necessary component in the I-Thou relationship.
A principle of psychosynthesis is that the two individuals have to be whole
in themselves before a synthesis can take place. This is true of wholes.
But what is whole?
I-Thou? 'What about you and me!' he shouted.
To be whole is not to be perfect, to be synthesized out of existence into
some artificial realm of unity. To be whole is to be one and another.
'Love one and another' said the Lord.
If there is perfection it is in including all of oneself - the dark parts
and the light, the knowing and the unknowing. Contemplate the cloud of unknowing
to know. The therapist, the client and the therapist and client together
can only do this by allowing, through not pushing, through being with the
becoming. 'Not my will but Thine be done'. Recognizing and acknowledging
- and most importantly, knowing - the spirit in the other, however it is
interpreted, is knowing the self as one. Mystics talk of 'the bliss of the
one to the many, the bliss of the many to the one.' The one issue brought
by the client that he is expecting to get fixed - however it is disguised
- is soon found to be a multitude of issues. We dive together into the morass
of unconsciousness, picking the strawberry from the cliff edge as we go.
These multitudinous issues are then brought to one solution, the return
to the one self. Now divided for the sake of love rather than for the sake
of pain, for the pain is loved. This is I-Thou in action, becoming I-Thou.
Whilst Mystics prefer the path from the many to the one, magicians are always
working to bring the one to the many. 'Be I-Thou both mystic and magician'
said the mystical magician and the magical mystic, in unison (and it echoed).
No more divine sidestepping, blissing out, no more pragmatically justified
abuse of self or other, to more evil twin to be destroyed. We are all born
twins, and in the shadow of other is our redemption. The first basic perinatal
matrix is an empty womb (and unlike the grave, where none embrace, many
here I think do embrace). The paradox. There is always more.
I am this and I am more than this.
The problem is not in forgetting this, but in getting caught up in that.
By the time we are experiencing basic perinatal matrix number two we are
two! Divided and forgotten why ('for the sake of love'). The therapist has
to be all these others, from this first to the last, for the first shall
be the last and the last shall be the first, and never the twain shall meet,
for thine is the kingdom, and ... there is always more. And within this
more, the therapist becomes a beacon of continuity, to be transferred back
- again and again until the client knows other as well as she knows herself.
Not this other of the therapist, but this other of self, within which only
then is self ever becoming one.
Presence.
Presence is everything. Without it, the therapist is nowhere, and, as with
everyone, the therapist spends a lot of time in that nowhere place. Sometimes
during a session the therapist joins the client who is already floundering
in a place without presence. If the therapist is similarly disendowed, they
meet in a place of equality, albeit a nowhere place. The therapist then
is able to move to a place of presence and escort the client in that direction.
The therapist, when entering the place without presence - the nightmare
zone of Fritz Perls, the lower unconscious of Roberto Assagioli - has done
so with choice. Willing, for the sake of love, to enter the nightmare zone
and do the job required. To let go, be there - and create presence. The
paradox.
Behind that presence is more presence. The source of the awareness is a
presence itself. Kabbalists call it 'nothing: nothing is: nothing becomes'.
Zen Buddhists ask: who were you before you were born? Where is the gateless
gate? Egyptians depicted it as the goddess Nuit - a beautiful naked woman
arched over the earth like the canopy of the night sky. A depiction of the
source from whence everything springs - including all these words, all this
awareness.
The first thing to emerge from this 'nothing that somehow becomes something'
is something that exists. Presence. 'From where did that feeling arise?'
'What was the source of that thought?' The therapist asks the client these
questions, not aiming for a particular target, the 'cause' of the thought
or the feeling. The therapist is creating a space in which the presence
of the thought or feeling may be experienced. Then the arrow is released:
'What are you experiencing now?'
In presence there is nothing but presence. The therapist's aim is to create
a setting in which relationship with presence is experienced. To experience
the source of the presence 'is a fine and private place, but none I think
do there embrace.'
The I-Thou relationship requires presence in which to exist.
Whilst presence is in the field, it is the source of the field and everything
within it.
The source begets itself at each new moment.
The therapist cannot learn to embody presence. The therapist embodies presence
through learning to be herself. And himself: both the female and male aspects
of presence nurtured within the same psyche. There is something within this
inner I-Thou relationship, between alchemical sister and brother, between
Isis, the Goddess, and Osiris, the God. The chance to experience the flowering
of consciousness, the emergence of awareness, the convergence of joys. Yes,
for a brief moment somewhere, this exists. Do not deny it: it also exists
at all time, for without it there is no existence.
The therapist does not have to look at the notes from seminars, or remember
the rules of accreditation. The therapist just has to be. Not in role. Not
as other, in any sense. But as Self.
The therapist has to trust.
Trust
'Trust the process.' 'Trust in yourself.' The therapist learns to trust
in the process and in herself. As simple and as complex as that. Trust is
a bridge between people - and the work of therapy is building bridges. Cement
deteriorates - what is needed is the bridge hewn out of stone blocks that
support each other. No glue, no cement, just presence resting with presence.
Finding the keystone and how to place it, otherwise the bridge won't stand.
What to do with the bridge of trust? Built, the client may defend it. Built
narrow and it is easy - too easy - to defend. Built too wide and it is easy
- too easy - to cross. The client may open it to all comers, with no sense
of boundaries. The bridge in the therapeutic encounter is ephemeral and
solid, narrow and wide. The paradox.
The bridge links one to other. Me to you. A link that restores faith in
the possibility of contact without abuse or denial. The bridge of tru(st)
built on the keystone of tru(th). Replacing the old bridge of lies.
The client has to trust in the therapy and the therapist. In the therapy:
that it works, as a general principle, and that it will work for him. In
the therapist: that this other is skilled, will hold confidentiality, creating
thereby a safe space in which to touch and be touched. More than all this,
trust in the therapist as a real person. To find that real person she will
have to work through the seeing the other as mother / father/ sibling/ friend/
enemy/ lover.
Therapist: I am my role and I am more than this. I am a real person.
There is a failure of trust that is negative. The therapist breaks the confidentiality,
for instance. Is an unskilled fraud. Most importantly, is not real.
The trust also needs to be broken, to be clearly perceived to fail. The
failure of trust with a positive connotation. The client thought/felt he
could trust mother - and was snatched from off that bridge just before it
crumbled (if lucky). Could trust father - until the time came to perceive
the illusion. Could trust brother/sister until sister/brother taught her
otherwise. Could trust friend - until the great betrayal. Could trust enemy
until the capitulation and disarmament that ensued. Could trust lover until
the presence of other shattered that illusion. This new mother / father/
sibling/ friend/ enemy/ lover is trusted not for being mother / father/
sibling/ friend/ enemy/ lover but for being himself, with the capacity to
break trust.
Then the movement: then the bridge building. There is no one to trust but
herself. As a positive statement.
As a positive statement, this is the real tru(st)/tru(th).
Will Parfitt is a UKCP registered psychotherapist and an experienced
and innovative group leader. Trained in Psychosynthesis, he has more than
forty years experience of working with psychospiritual development, and
travels internationally to run courses on a variety of subjects including
kabbalah and psychosynthesis. Will is author of several books
including 'The Complete Guide to Kabbalah', 'The Something and Nothing of Death', 'Kabbalah:The Tree of Life' and 'Psychosynthesis: the Elements and Beyond.